Spice up your Sex life

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, chances are the spark may have dimmed, or even disappeared, from your love/sex life. Sure, you may still do the do, but the fireworks aren’t poppin’ like they used to. Even if you think there’s nothing wrong with your relationship and that your man isn’t going nowhere, that’s no reason to get complacent between the sheets.

You may be the best lover he’s ever had, and while you think you’ve got it going on, there’s always room for improvement. Sex can sometimes feel just like another thing on your to-do list. Yo are both tired. The kids aren’t asleep. You’ve got lots going on at work. You need to do the food shopping. You haven’t shaved your legs for months. There’s just not the time. All of these are excuses and shouldn’t be the reasons why your sex life should suffer.

We can think of all sorts of excuses for not paying attention to our sex lives. There are many reasons why people in long-term relationships find themselves reaching for the pillow or the remote control instead of their partner at the end of a long day. But a healthy sex life is a key part of an intimate relationship and if yours has gone off the boil there are ways to get your mojo back.

In a new relationship, the excitement levels are bound to be much higher, it’s more of a novelty. You get butterflies when you see them, you can’t keep your hands off each other and you find them fascinating in every way. A few years on and things may have changed. Obviously, you can’t switch partners every time the excitement fades. Instead, change other things.

Change where you have sex: get off the bed and on to the kitchen table. Change the time you have sex: don’t always do it when it’s dark, have sex in the daylight. Change your position; if your partner’s always been a missionary man, make it your chance to be on top. It can all get a bit predictable. If you have been having sex with the same partner for years, you know what to expect.

As a sexologist and relationship expert, this is all too familiar and common whenever I have couples counseling. You need to intrigue your partner, woo their minds, and take charge. This goes for both the man and the woman. A relationship is a two-way street. Don’t just expect your partner to make the first step, and if he/she doesn’t then you take the wheel in your own hands.

Have a quickie. Maybe do something as simple as change the light bulb in your bedroom to blue or red, just to make sex a bit different. Fantasy is important in the realm of sexual excitement. The largest sex organ in the universe is the human imagination. Our minds can work for us or against us.

Use it well and be creative!

I know it’s easier said than done, but not impossible. All couples are tired at the end of a long day with many demands. By the time you get everyone to bed and deal with unavoidable chores, you just don’t have the energy for a romantic evening. It’s time to change that. Putting some aside to improve our sexual relationship is time well spent. It’s important that both of you come up with ideas to make time for each other. Treat your love life with a bit more respect. Sex should have its own space and rhythm. You can’t just snap into sex; there needs to be a time transition.

If you haven’t had sex for some time, a come-on from your partner can feel very artificial and forced. To sustain a healthy sexual relationship, it helps to reconnect in a non-sexual way. If you’ve gone off sex, ask yourself what’s been happening in the relationship as a whole. What’s slipped?

You need to sit down and talk about it and work out ways to invest in your relationship. All relationships plateau but you need to re-engage with one another and have a proper conversation. Do something together which isn’t an obvious precursor to sex. For some couples who may have not been intimate for a while the dinner and a movie thing may seem like foreplay before the inevitable sex! Instead go on a bike ride or walk together, have afternoon tea in a local cafe, just reconnect with each other.

For some couples taking a romantic break away from the stresses and strains of family life can help to reignite desire. Communication is key in a healthy relationship. Talking to each other is important. Provided you basically have a good relationship between two friends, sex can still be rewarding and worthwhile. Look directly and deeply into your partner’s eyes. It’s amazing how many of us don’t even make eye contact with our loved one in the normal run of the day. The way you feel about each other will subtly change and you will be much more intimate with each other both in and out of the bedroom. Try it and see.

Lastly, a dwindling libido may not just be a sign of aging or boredom. It may be the sign of another health problem or behavioral issue. No matter what the reason is for your diminished desire, getting back on track with your partner sexually may take some effort, but you could be pleased with the results!

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